Motivation.

I need to motivate myself to start the exercise. It's coming, I've come thisclose to doing it for the past couple of days. And because I want to, which is weird. But I'm not QUITE there. Maybe collecting my thoughts will help.

What I miss about being thin:

• Not thinking about my weight.
• Going shopping and enjoying myself.
• Not being jealous of my skinny friends.
• Walking up steps without worrying that everyone is staring at me because I'm breathing like a horse.
• Running and playing with kids.
• Going out in public with confidence.
• Feeling comfortable.
• Not being worried about what the waitress thinks when I order cheese sticks.
• Crumbs landing in my lap, not my boobs or belly.
• Putting on socks without having to lay on the bed first.
• Running into people I used to know, and not wanting to run away.
• Taking a trip on an airplane and not feeling like my body was centrifuged.
• Not wearing control top hose, girdles, spanx, or any other torture devices.
• Bras with 2 hooks, not 3, 4, etc.
• Bring proud of my bubble butt. I had a really cute ass.
• Pleasing angles to my face.
• Wearing a swimsuit.
• Not always sucking it in.
• Eating to live instead of living to eat.
• Wearing cute underwear.
• Comfortably getting to those two empty seats in the middle of the movie theater.
• Wearing boots.
• Crazy, unbridled, make others blush, SEX.
• Shaving my legs without contorting my body or holding my breath.
• Not having to fight my way into a public bathroom stall. I swear they are getting smaller.
• Not wasting my brain power to generate clever comebacks for people who call me fat.
• Having my picture taken.
• Not feeling homicidal when a skinny person complains about their weight.
• This is more something I hate about being fat: the horrible tacky ass fat people clothes. Ugh. They are TERRIBLE.
• No attack of the insane huge upper arms.
• No back fat.
• Only weighing myself at the doctor.
• Sliding easily into restaurant booths.
• Sitting with someone on the same side of the picnic table. 3 years ago: Brad and I tipped one over on top of us at a park in Morehead. Yes, people saw.
• Only having one chin.
• Not limiting my hair styles cause they make me look fat-ter.
• Doing fun things without concern for the weight limits.
• Having a sweat-free ass. And under-boob area.
• Wearing out my jeans at the cuff, not between my damn thighs.
• Not worried about being "the fat girl" when I go out with friends.
• Painting my toenails.

Just to name several. lol

And of course, there is always the desire be desired, to be admired and pretty. That's a pretty vain reason, but it is the truth. It took health issues to wake me from my ten year hibernation, but I would be a damned liar if I said this had nothing to do with wanting to be cute. Sometimes we fat people get on our soapboxes and want to be respected and loved despite the obese BMI. We want more plus sized models, we want "big is beautiful" to come back into style, we want our ability to love our bodies before we want to be healthier. We want the media to stop making us hate ourselves.

We want a societal and cultural revolution before we want to exercise. No biggie.

These are just excuses to not take care of ourselves. And that is hard for me to admit. "Big is beautiful!" "I may be fat, but at least I'm not a bitch!" (In my case, I'm a fat bitch... lol). "At least I'm not skinny and starving!" "I'd rather be able to count my rolls that count my ribs!" There's cognitive dissonance at work for you. You don't like being fat? You have three options here. You can continue to hate being fat. You can convince yourself you don't hate being fat. Or you can work on being not-fat. Change your thinking or change your behavior. You shouldn't accept your weight so much that you don't work on being healthy.

Keep your reasons in mind.