-other, -other, -other

I guess the Moon is dancing around in Capricorn or SOME kind of weird shit like that is going on cosmically cause weird shit happened yesterday.

First, the pocket of infection in my face finally exploded! TMI! Ah, but it was so satisfying. I'm surprised I didn't wake Brad up cause I yelled, "HOLY SHIT!" The explosion wasn't YouTube worthy or anything, but it was still something that just SHOULDN'T have to happen! Ugh! It is certainly going to leave a nasty scar on my cheek, but I just HAD to find out if it was indeed some kind of cyst or like a nest of spider eggs or maybe the answer to world peace or the cure for cancer. It had to be done. Brad wants me to man up and finally go to a dermatologist. I just hate going! All I have are memories of going and being berated for picking at my skin, or worse, a reaction from the doctor along the lines of, "Oh wow, this is really bad, never seen anything like this." Cause that totally happened to me last time I went. Amatuers.

And in other weird news, and this is really weird... well, some back information may be helpful. I'm a bastard. That's the short version. I'm pretty proud of it, it's kind of my own personal N word. I own that word, dammit. I've got my siblings, ie: brother and sisters from another father, type deal. And I have an older brother from another mother and we've stayed in contact over the years after the discovery. And I've known about the presence of another brother from another mother (other other other), but never made any contact with him. Cause you never know if the realization of such relationships is gonna ruin a family dynamic or something. Like I didn't confront my first brother until I knew for a certainty that he was aware that his step dad wasn't his biological dad. I'm not in the business of ruining happy family facades.

And reaching out to this other brother (who is younger than me), has a huge caveat, it brings me dangerously close to the father I have never met, as he was claimed by said father in ways me and the older brother weren't. And I don't know if I want that yet. The whole thing is a mystery to me, and that is frustrating, because I know there are people in this town who know more about events surrounding my existence than I do. And I'm pretty sure my family has no desire for me to be curious about this, particularly my grandparents. But I'm an adult now, I call the shots. And it's perfectly natural for me to be curious. It's weird not knowing half of where you came from. Even if the dude was essentially a sperm donor and nothing more. You just want to get a look at them. Search for the resemblance. Explain shit. Although I've always doubted there would be a huge resemblance, because I am practically a carbon copy of my mother. Seriously, it's creepy.

So I finally decided to just do it, and months ago I sent a little message to little brother, it was innocent enough, something along the lines of 'are you so and so's son?' Never heard back. Didn't know what that might mean, and I over anaylze everything, so all kinds of stories rolled around in my head. And yesterday, a day like any other, he writes back. One thing leads to another and now I know my brother. Life is crazy. And for the first time in my life, I get to see what my dad looks like. And my other grandma. It's like finding pieces to a puzzle that's been nagging at you for 28 years. I've never known much about the man, but now I know he's a ginger. LOL A damned freckled ginger. And he's Irish, so now I'm like SUPER IRISH! Which is awesome to know. And little brother didn't know he had blood siblings, it never occurred to me that he would be excited to hear it. Pretty cool. So that's my story for November 30th, 2011.

Time management crisis.

It seems I am going to have to have a sit down (when I'm not exhausted) to re-evaluate my fitness goals. I've worked only two days, I had forgotten how hard it is to accomplish anything in addition to going to work. Brad woke me at a heart-wrenching 8 a.m. to first watch American Horror Story, then prepare a roast in the crock pot then actually get ready for work. I don't think I've done that much shit before 10 a.m. in a long time. I know, that's pretty sad.

But with work comes some dilemmas. I'm down with breakfast, it's very routine now. Every damn day I eat a breakfast serving of oatmeal, 2 tsp. of splenda brown sugar, and frozen blueberries. Yum. I look forward to it now. Then there's lunch, which with work occurs 2-3. First day, I ate with co-workers, we went to Long John's (god help me). Today I called Grandma and asked if she'd feed me, had chili. I need to start packing a healthy lunch, evidentally. This could go downhill really fast. And it would give me the extra needed time to call the 40+ customers to confirm their appointments for the following day if I just ate my lunch at the desk that is like a closet within a closet.

By the time I get home I am STARVING! Had our delicious (tho more bland than I'm used to) roast, then was like... must have more... Melba snack crackers and hummus. I'm still starving. My body is being deprived of it's occassional daily naps (yes, plural, napS). Need to plan this out better.

And, a friend of a friend of mine (so I really don't know who this guy is) has also started a weight loss blog: imgoingtoloseweightifitkillsme.blogspot.com. His name is Keith, go be encouraging or inspired, whatever you need. I am seriously considering the purchase of a training program through www.workoutbox.com, as he is doing. Apparently this site and it's product is legit. I don't want to waste time explaining it, if you are curious, go to the website.

But as of right now, I don't know WHEN my first day off will be. That's right, I have a "part-time temporary" job, and I have no idea when I get even one day off. Hahahaha. But it is very laid back and I've enjoyed it so far. I was told for a certainty to kiss my weekends goodbye until after Christmas. Brad has been so whiney! I'm like, what, you miss me sitting on my ass all day while you work? I guess he does... that's so sweet. I loves him.

I'm gonna go read stuff now. Have a lovely night.

Bodily explosions!

Turns out the episode of food poisoning and excessive bloatedness I experienced while in Gatlinburg in October was actually me rupturing an ovarian cyst. Oh, lawdy, life is hilarious! Here I had blamed the Mexicans who had prepared my dinner. Good news is, there doesn't seem to be any more lurking around, that could be noticed with a simple physical exam anyway. I had discomfort for about a month after it happened, which you would expect when something explodes in your body and has no where to go... no wonder I couldn't suck my gut in that night! Oh, the pain the next day was HORRIBLE! My heart goes out to all the ladies I've ever met who have polycystic ovarian disorder, that is NO way to live, man. It was funny, the doc asked if I'd had any episodes of pain and vomiting and bloatedness, and I thought wha... no... ohhhh... yeah. Brad was like, holy shit, should I have taken you to the hospital?! Haha, nah. Just one of those curses we women put up with from time to time.

He said if by May we still haven't had any luck, that Brad will have to get his special baby juice tested, cause it is the cheapest test they can do, so they start there. And while I hope we don't have to get to that point, it is quite hilarious to think of Brad having to go "make a desposit" at the doctor! This man can't even go into Rite Aid and buy condoms! I'm not kidding, HE WON'T DO IT! I will greatly enjoy his discomfort... mwahaha.

Oh and the scales at the doctor's office? Screw THAT! Talk about wanting to throw a 3-D model of a uterus through a damn wall.

Enjoy a sneak peak at my peacock Christmas tree that is currently a pile of peacock vomit on my kitchen counter.

Oh, and did you catch that last comment on my previous blog!? 199.5, kids! Ignoring completely the doctor scales today. Blatantly ignoring.

Dogs, jobs, and babies.

Sounds like a new program on TLC.

Whew, today has been an eventful day... when viewed from a certain perspective...

Was hanging out on the porch and this dog kept whining at the steps. I thought it was Gizmo, cause I couldn't see it very well. Turns out it was a dog from up the road named Andy. And another dog, who wouldn't sit still long enough for me to see his collar, whom I called Chocolate Face. So after finding out they belong just 3 houses down (which in Willard is a variable distance, to be sure) I walked them home. Silly dogs.

Then two hours later I'm outside again and I can hear Pat's dog Belle going crazy after something and it was a little puppy! So I brought him in for safe-keeping and we spent a good hour watching tv with him curled up around my head. I figured he belonged to the same place, just being a puppy he didn't have tags yet. Was gonna call until they called me asking about the little fella, whose name is Woody. So I drove him home too.

Besides that I've done NOTHING today.

And despite thinking this blog would help me feel accountable to weight loss efforts, And despite making it publicly known I'm going to start exercising, I still haven't done it.

**Holy shit, the wind just blew down a tree across the field. Willard and all its wonders never cease**

And Brad's been playing the hell out of Skyrim (a video game) so I've been playing the hell out of World of Warcraft. I know, it's not something a 28 year old should talk about. In my defense, I do not consider other players my second family, as I haven't played the game with another living person.

So I guess I have a job. Olan Mills finally called me back. I had mixed feelings about it as I had spent a good 48 hours convincing myself I didn't want the job anyway. Sat and thought of all the reasons I could probably hate the job, I guess as a defense mechanism in case of rejection. So when they called I felt pretty conflicted. At the same time, it's part-time and seasonal, not a huge commitment, and it will force me to go outside my hermit zone, so I accepted. Afterwards went out to see a movie and in the middle of it I would suddenly think, "OMG I have a job, how horrible... no, no... focus on the movie. You are at a movie right now." Shit, this is going to put me back in therapy. Guess I better crack out some Eckhart Tolle books now, to get ahead of the game.

I don't assume to understand myself at all. Don't waste your time trying.

Starts Wednesday. Have a doctors appointment tomorrow to check on the baby oven, making sure it's not rotting from the inside out or anything. Been having some troubling discomfort around the ovary area, for about 2 months, of course as soon as I scheduled an appointment it magically disappeared. Kinda like having Brad look at my computer when its being an ass, but it works like a dream for him. But in good baby news, I'm gonna have a new Walker neice or nephew soon! The cuteness of the world is going to increase exponentially. I guess if I can't have Heath Walker's babies, at least I can be their aunt. Hahar.

And that is what is going on. Erica still weighs around 202. Brad keeps getting dangerously close to 250. Just truckin' along. Bo-ring.

Festivus for the Rest of Us!

Here's the obligatory post of the week.

Weight loss? What the hell ever. Still hovering around 202. Good times.

Brad is also hovering right above 250. Can't seem... to break... through...!

But in other news, I have an interview today, and it's pretty promising if I do say so myself, and I do. It's for a part-time, temporary seasonal job, so I won't even have to QUIT! Bazinga! Some people may be thinking, Oh, good for Erica, and then when I say it's to work at Olan Mills in K-Mart, you're going to say, Oh, how very tragic. Well, to thee, naysayers, I say, get away from me with your negativity! I'll have none of it! I perform my best when I don't have to hear all that shit so shut up. I am Erica. I'm flighty. I'm whimsical. I do what I want.

And this couldn't have come at a better time, because with the coming of Winter, I get pretty depressed, and need something to do very badly, something to counteract the constant feeling that I should be hibernating. Wake me up in Spring, people.

I'm not looking forward to the holidays (the Christmas decor out at the same time as Halloween really pissed me off) and mainly because I don't know what to expect this year. Half my family is in China, for pete's sake. Where's the fun in Christmas when some child isn't crying because they think they got less presents than another child? I guess that is what Dad is for, he always counts his presents and makes a big deal out of getting less than someone else... LOL. He is an eternal child, my role model, really. If anyone wants an explanation of how weird and playful and silly I am, look to that man. He makes no sense.

And I very much enjoy playing with the kids' toys. One year I opened Emily's Polly Pocket mansion before Christmas and played with it for hours before I finally wrapped it. I was probably 18. HAHA.

And usually every year I go overboard with Christmas decorations, because I find the festive lights very soothing. As a child, I would sleep by the Christmas tree for weeks before Christmas. I would line up the presents all over the house, categorizing them from biggest to smallest, by person, by wrapping paper. I would make all my dolls super pretty and set them up around the tree. I could wrap a mean package, dude. I should have been an elf. THE BEST WAY TO SPREAD CHRISTMAS CHEER IS TO SING LOUD FOR ALL TO HEAR! I would play Alvin and the Chipmunks NON-STOP and jump on the couches for hours singing at the top of my lungs. I never wanted to sleep. I was on some kind of child crack.

The more stuff I put up for Christmas, though, the more exasperated Brad gets cause he knows it's going to be a damn battle to get me to take them down. I want to live like the Finch's in Running with Scissors and just leave the shit up all year. And every year it seems I want to change our tree decor. Every year I justify getting new decor to Brad by saying, "Well, we will get this, and I'll just use it for years to come" then next year I want something different. I have two go-to's, the home style eclectic display of ornaments, many handmade, that I've compiled from my grandma and Jilda. Last year I added large old fashion colored Christmas lights that reminded me so strongly of my Mamaw Keffer's Christmas tree I sat there and cried just looking at it. I have the matchy-matchy set from my mom that I use occasionally. This year, I would like to go whimsical, almost dr. seussy, with crazy shit that makes the tree look like it's exploded in a fit of homosexuality. In peacock colors.

But enough about Christmas! I need to go mentally prepare myself to be awesome for this interview. Which means, all I need to do is shower, because I'm already awesome.

For the Alliance!

Let's see, stuff to talk about!

Went to Lexington for Hannah's birthday and had a really good time. Went to gattitown and had way too much pizza. Kicked Brad's ass at virtually every game except racing, which I suck at and don't understand. But it is worth noting that I beat the crap out of him at basketball. I mean, the crap. At one point I beat him like 36 to 22 or something. Hahahar. Then went to Patchen Pub and had many cinnamony shots that were delicious. Then Hannah tells me something about how drinking alcohol slows/stops your metabolism for so many hours. Not that it bothered me in the least at the time, but I thought I would look it up later. And I've never been so impressed at someone's Foosball skills just minutes before they crashed into a drunken stupor, that was AMAZING, Hannah. You and Ken should both be proud.

So I google the issue and find that yes, of course it does, and some sites that were like a little everday is good for you, and another site that was telling me it doesn't effing matter cause losing weight is a pitfall leading to later weight gain, probably more than you even started out with, and I was like, wtf? This site had all kinds of negative nelly things to say, and I was getting pretty pissed off until I realized it was a site dedicated to selling this fat-burning sports drink... LOL. Oh... I see.

What I am taking from this is that my occasional amaretto sours are probably not a good idea. But I feel that the bottle was in desperate need to be finished off. ;)

Brad keeps getting onto me for saying, "I've plateaued at 200!" lol. Yeah, I keep saying that. I figure I probably have a lot of plateaus coming my way. But seriously, it just kept dropping and dropping and now it's like... 202. 204. 202. 203.4. Etc. One day it was even 201. But never 200. It's infuriating. I read somewhere that it might be because I need to work on boosting my metabolism or some shit, specifically because I have a thyroid issue (albeit a small one).

Basically, I just need to get my ass up and do some movement. And weight training, which to me seems so silly when one is so fat, but it makes sense. Build up some muscles! After my hike last week with Jessica I was sore for like 4 consecutive days... hahaha. Nice.

I'm going to use this room now to vent about random shit.

The world is trying to mess with me. I am Josie's granddaughter afterall. First, I went to wal-mart to grocery shop the other day and it was a total mess. The checkout guy, who I think was new, and was also stationed at a register with an attitude problem, was having a really hard time with it. The machine scanned my mozzarella like 20 times in a row. $4 times 20, holy shit. Did the same with my salsa. He had to void off like 30 transactions, then when I'm paying for it, I've swiped my card, I've even signed the damn thing and hit enter, it suddenly says it needs a manager over-ride. I assume because of all the voids. So woman comes up and re-does some shit and is like, it needs you to swipe again. I asked if she was sure because I had already signed and everything, yeah yeah, shut up and sign it. Two charges of 160 bucks made on the card. Yep. Infuriating.

Then we get an unexpected charge from Windstream when we were under the idea that we had two months free for adding satellite and phone to our existing internet package. We were assured the two months free, it would have been three but we already had the internet. Brad never does something like this unless there is a good deal on it of some kind. At this point we are addicted to our lovely satellite. He calls and some bitch is like, no, you don't get that deal at all because you already have internet. The exact opposite of what the initial bitch had told us. Brad, being his lovely self, didn't argue. I feel that he should have. People who bitch get free shit, it is known. This is America, afterall.

I swear to odin, it's just that time of year when somehow, no matter how hard you try to be aware of it, you spend more money. Getting the gas tanks filled, paying for heat, Christmas and b-day presents, our regular trip to the gorge or gatlinburg... it all adds up. I think it's also because it's getting cold and spending money feels even better when it's cold and miserable outside, for some reason.

One fun perk to this is Brad is on to me quite a bit to be getting the most out of my WoW membership. I like to think it's one of my fiscally mature responsibilities to fight against the Horde for the good of Azeroth. But that doesn't help me in my weight loss quest. LOL

More of the same.

I got some physical activity in yesterday! Went hiking at the spillway with Jessica. Reminded me terribly of soccer conditioning when my main goal was to keep the back of her heels at the top of my sight. Of course, we were just walking, and it was difficult, so that is sad! I had to tell her not to laugh at my labored breathing, cause if I started to laugh too I probably would have died. Somehow we also talked a lot, but the last half of the hike I couldn't contribute much to the conversation anymore. Whew!

And I was sore when I woke up this morning.

Stretching before hand was fun, my body made all kinds of noises, snap crackle pop. I'm still surprisingly flexible, my belly just gets in the way a lot.

Maybe I'll buy Gizmo a harness and take him with me if I ever go by myself. Look out! I have a vicious dog! He will cuddle you to death if you mess with me!

We almost got a little lost, it was getting very dark and we couldn't see the blue trail marks anymore and all the leaves were covering the trails. Had it been October 31st, I might have been freaked out, but as it was I was too busy trying to keep up to really care. And if you are going to get seriously lost in the woods with someone, it may as well be Jessica Collins, who could probably kill a bear with her bare hands.

I weighed 201 the other day, 199 is so close I can taste it. It's weird though, 2, 0 and 1 seem so low by themselves, 9 and 9 so big. It's messing with my head.

I think I'm going to schedule in some "treat yo' self" days, probably 2 a month. One to go out and eat and for me and Brad that usually means Red Lobster or Hibachi's. Another day where I cook one of our favorites in the fat way they are supposed to be cooked, like my meatloaf and mashed taters or lasagna. I'm currently looking for a healthier lasagna roll recipe that includes spinach, artichokes, mozz and portabella. Having trouble finding one that doesn't call for ricotta, which I despise. Eden, I've found some stuffed portabella recipes, but I can't seem to find the right one, could you send me a link or something?

Seems like we think more about food now than we ever did before. Brad literally wakes up in the morning thinking about dinner and nagging me about it. He goes to sleep discussing future dinner possibilities. It kinda drives me nuts, especially when I'm hungry, which is pretty much all the time. That boy acts like he can't eat unless I'm feeding him. Got back from hiking last night around 8 and he hadn't eaten yet. He will starve himself and turn into aretha franklin until I feed him. It can be a daunting responsibility. I've just been kinda down lately, what with the med change, my desire to cook great healthy meals has gone considerably down. I need to get to the store and stock up, maybe if I get off my ass and do that today I will feel better.