She's in the family way...

"Babies are my business and business is good."

Today I did some junk shopping, looking for some unique things I could use to decorate the nursery with.  I pretty much failed, but I spent $2.00 on a gem of a book entitled "before The Baby Comes" by Dr. Herman N. Bundesen, and while I cannot find a specific publication date, I'm guessing the late 1930's.  I'm equally shocked by what they already knew and what they didn't know yet about pregnancy, but really the best part is the overall delivery of the information to stupid ass women.  lol

It starts with the Author's Preface, the first damn two sentences of the book:

"The GREATEST happiness a woman can have is that of bringing a baby into this world.  And giving birth to a baby is, in addition, the most important function in her entire life."

Lovin'!  It!

At the same time I'm jealous of how very simply pregnancy was "treated".  Here is the list of good habits for the mother-to-be to develop:

1. Get plenty of restful sleep -- at least 8 hours every night.
2. Get fresh air and sunshine every day.
3. Eats a well-balanced diet every day.
4. Drinks from four to six glasses of water every day.
5. Keep in a cheerful and happy frame of mind.
6. Have regular bowel movements every day.

Oh, and for a healthy natural childbirth,

1. A body in good physical condition, with well-formed pelvic bones.
2. Constant care of her health.
3. A cheerful, happy mind, as free as possible from worry, nervousness and care.

I hope my pelvic bones are well formed...

And I love the delivery of this line, very dramatic and mind-blowing, "Normally, the baby BEGINS TO LIVE nine months BEFORE he is born!"  SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!

It suggests the woman should bring her husband to her first pregnancy appointment, so he can help explain shit to her.  Hahahahaha.  Oh my god, if I relied on Brad to explain to me what I was going through, I'd be in trouble.  His understanding of genetics leads him to believe that red hair just pops up like a disease in families, after all. 

In fact, the husband is very important, his chapter is covered almost immediately (instead of as an afterthought in the back of the book like you typically see now) and suggests the following todo list:

-Making sure his health is good both before and after marriage, specifically making sure he doesn't have syphilis. 
-Put his wife under the care of a good doctor, and see that she follows his orders.
-See that his wife has proper rest, recreation and amusement.  (If she is interested in music or art, it is absolutely fine for her to continue to take lessons if she so desires)
-Be a cheerful and patient comrade to his wife.
-Arrange with the expectant mother for her confinement and after-care.

And a special after note:

It is very important not to have sexual relations during the first three months of pregnancy, nor after the seventh month.  It should also be avoided during the time when the regular monthly period would have occurred.  Such relations may cause a miscarriage or help to bring on child-bed fever.  The husband should be guided by his wife's wishes.  He should learn to practice self-control.

Hahahahaha.

It covers early signs of pregnancy, which it admits aren't fool-proof, and keep in mind there were no pregnancy tests.  So it was usually month 3 before pregnancy was monitored by a doctor anyway.  But I must say, this was disturbing to read:

"If there is a doubt as to whether or not pregnancy has occurred, a Friedman test can be made by the doctor.  This test is done by injecting some of the prospective mother's urine into a rabbit and then later examining the rabbit's ovaries (sex glands) for certain changes."

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  HOLY SHIT!  THE POOR BUNNIES!  I bet they had to dissect those poor bunnies!  I bet they did!  It's horrible!

So I'm on page 13 of 50 and I cannot wait to see what other gems await my discovery! 

For more fun on this issue and with Dr. Bundesen, follow this link.  It's even funnier.