I'm so frustrated! This is long, get the hell over it.You know how doctors don't like it when you "try to do their job"? I'm sure it gets annoying, "Well, webmd says I either have syphilis or a head cold, but Granny says it's just a boil so to self medicate I've been taking uncle Jim's old Loritabs from his hip surgery."
But today I am frustrated about two things that are sort of two sides of the same coin. First, because it's simpler, I take synthroid for SLIGHT levels indicating hypothyroidism. Taking synthroid keeps me well in the normal range. Before getting pregnant, I made sure I had plenty of prescription for a while... and now that it's time to get refilled, it occurred to me, "No one at my OB's office has even mentioned checking my thyroid. Huh."
I've never had a fucking baby before. That could have something to do with it. I figured... if they needed to check that, they would have. I've told them since day 1 that I'm taking synthroid and how many micrograms. They've never asked about my levels or who I go to see for that medication. I mention my medications at almost every visit. Today I thought maybe I just need to be more in-your-face obvious about it and bring it up yet again. I say, "Do I need to get my thyroid checked at some point?" The question was met with a look of utter horror from the PA that I had not taken it upon myself to get this checked by now. "You haven't done it every trimester??!" "well... no." I wanted to add that I'm not a damn doctor and that I've mentioned my thyroid on a couple different occasions and that I've never had a damn baby before, so what would I know?!
So I suppose in that instance, I was supposed to already know. I was supposed to have researched that. I was supposed to have googled that. Or something. For the record, googling a pregnancy question is about the dumbest thing you can possibly do. Go ahead and do it if you want to end up more confused than you started.
Next issue, and this one is REALLY driving me insane. Boob or bottle? Such a simple fucking question. And it's not really a question of right vs. wrong, it's a question of what is BEST for ME and m'BABY. So it's a tricky one. At first, I was on the boob wagon, despite once thinking, "I will never be able to do that." I'm a very modest person when it comes to my body and people who breastfeed seem to have no qualms with yanking their tit out in situations that make me pretty uneasy. But my sis-in-law maintains a sense of modesty while also boob feeding and watching her boob feed my niece has made me all gooshy inside, excited to try it with my Charlotte, it just seemed delightful all the sudden. I had no doubts that I would boob feed.
So it was settled, I would boob feed. I was hoping for the benefits of less allergies, less possibility of asthma, they say even less chances of female cancers, losing some weight and tightening my uterus back up faster, not having to get up and prepare a bottle while your child screams, all those good things.
Meanwhile, once again, I have been VERY upfront about ALL THESE DAMN MEDS I take to keep me sane. I'm on an SSRI anti-depressant and Buspar for mild anxiety. I found this particular dream cocktail of meds after YEARS of trying to find what worked best and many failures along the way. I was thrilled when my Psychiatrist AND later my OB both ok'd their use during pregnancy. Yay, no problemo.
No problemo turned into... "Well.." now that you actually ARE preggers and all... we might want to try weaning you off your meds so that there is no "risk of serotonin withdrawal". Ok, so here's the game plan: month prior to my due date, I will attempt to taper my dose. As for during the rest of the pregnancy, all I hear people say is "class C drug" so, "no known harm" and, "Do the benefits outweigh the risks" and blah blah blah.
It did not occur to me, nor did anyone discuss with me, that DUH, it might also be an issue with the boob milk. Until my recent Psychiatrist appointment: You make your own decision, it's class C so we don't know, it DOES get passed in the breast milk, but we don't know if it has negative effects on baby or not, in TWO cases (out of how many I do not know) certain side effects were reported. Psychiatrist's opinion? "I would just bottle feed. Better safe than sorry. We know you can't just not take your medicine for 6-12 months. You want to enjoy your child's infancy." He also encouraged me to ask my doc and pharmacist.
So I ask my pharmacist Aunt :) She looks into it and finds some numbers, percentages of doses that end up in breast milk and baby's blood serum. We know it gets transmitted, only about 4%, but this number fluctuates of course depending on feeding time and intensity, whether it's hind-milk or a quick feed, what time of day, the list goes on. Baby isn't getting some steady level of the drug but a fluctuation. You could theoretically create one cranky unstable baby. Or it might not matter. Is it worth the risk? Do you really want to take that chance just so you can say you went with the cultural flow of "breast is best!" You didn't want to appear to be a failure mom, so you said, by golly, I will breastfeed, and 20 years from now, my kid might have some serious emotional problems, but dammit I kept up with the Jones'! My aunt put it in a way I appreciated, "if something comes up that is a problem down the road, you will always question if you did the right thing by insisting on breastfeeding while on questionable medications. or you could bottle feed and not worry about it, cause there's nothing wrong with that either."
What did my OB say? "Knock yourself out, breastfeed! We prescribe ssri's to breastfeeding women on the reg. This book says "no known harm done except in these two cases" (once again... 2 out of what? 3? 1 million? It matters, people. It matters.) In the end, we support whatever the pediatrician you choose supports. (Um... I don't even have a pediatrician yet to ask. This seems like something I need to get ironed out). But boob feeding, YAY!
How do I choose a pediatrician? Should I call around and ask about openings? Yes. Ok. So by golly, on my way home from my appointment, I STOP at a pediatrician's office. Well, it's an office of many pediatricians. They look at me like I'm crazy cause "all you need to do is tell them at delivery where you want your child to be seen and whoever is on call will come see you." Oh. Didn't need to stress about that after all. Am I the only first time mom in the world who asks these questions?!
So I ask, well, is there a doc available that I can run a question through? I'm on these meds (hand slip of paper to lady) can I breast feed? What do they recommend? I wait. Lady comes back (she's being very accommodating, bless her). "Dr. X looked them up, they are class C, meaning there is no evidence of harm, so they are fine."
Can I be a doctor so I can just look shit up rather than drawing on professional experience? Sounds like a damn good gig.
So here's where I'm leaning: I'm gonna bottle feed. Why? Because my psychiatrist gives a shit about me and doesn't want to see me end up back in the hospital. My aunt gives a shit about me and wants me to succeed at this. The OB wants me to have this baby then be gone until I'm knocked again. The pediatrician... who the hell knows what their angle is, but they don't really know me, they just looked in a book. A book I can find online. How can doctors so confidently recommend and support something that isn't proven safe and still sleep at night?
They all love sharing their opinion on this shit. But by god I should have known I needed my thyroid checked once a trimester! Why can't I just be some stupid back-woods hick who is still just confused how she got pregnant since she's only done it standin' up?
This is MADNESS!
